Setting intentions

I wasn't going to make any resolutions this year, but after reading so many inspiring posts (such as here, here, and here), I have been inspired to look at my avoidance of resolutions. I think for me, they've always felt that they come from a place that fails to accept who I am, and instead chastises myself for not being "better" at something. And they often also center around the superficial, asking me to judge myself based on someone else's ruler, and I rarely come out feeling like a winner. Or maybe it's just because this beautiful time of expansiveness and change has become tainted by marketers and buzz-words, that it cheapen the possibilities, and I've just passively boycotted it altogether.

If I acknowledge "the list," there are many things I would like to improve, master, or change. I would like to learn French. I would like to get back to the accordion (I was doing so well, but I've let it completely drop off). Finish the photobooks I'm so behind on. Paint more. I'd like to be nicer. More patient. Stop swearing when I'm angry. Stay on top of email. Keep in touch. Get things done. Cook more. Keep the house clean. Be confident. Be more grateful. Eat for wellness. Do a cleanse. Quit sugar. Be more centered. More present (live in the hereness, less in the thereness). ...and on it goes... I could easily add to this list, but it does start to feel a little defeating. Furthermore, so many of these goals simply don't translate well into rigid resolutions. I want to allow myself the flexibility to falter, because as soon as I'm "supposed" to do something, it feels like a chore, and I'm less likely to continue. It has to be something I'm passionate about and keep coming back to.

That being said, I do find a thrilling sense of hopefulness from starting a brand new year. The feeling of a clean slate. Who knows what this year will hold? So many possibilities and opportunities. Before I came across Susannah's free workbook: Unravelling 2012, I hadn't before fully assessed the year before and actively set out goals for the year ahead, but I did, and have found the process challenging, but also enlightening.

What leapt out at me was that I want to be a more active participant in my own life. Engaged. Start steering this boat and find out where it's headed. I've been reading The Happiness Project, and it's empowering to be reminded that only I am in control of who I am and how I feel (though sometimes I forget that I'm in charge and can get a little lost in the sea of routine and work and responsibilities, and sometimes it feels like these things rule me, rather than the other way around).

This is all a bit nebulous, but what I keep coming back to is the desire to meditate. Become centered and tap into the stillness within. (I know it's in there!) And this might seem at odds with wanting to be more active, but I see it as a vital ingredient to being more engaged in my life.

I'm sure this will be a process. A journey. And though I've dabbled in meditation, I've never committed. But there are so, so many resources out there that talk about the benefits of meditating regularly. To aid me in this quest, I am trying Jack Kornfield's Meditation for Beginners DVD, in addition to Gaiam's same-titled DVD (which I've had for years, but rarely use). I've also found a great many instructional videos on youtube, but also with youtube, there's a lot to filter through. If anyone has any self-directed resources (books, CDs, DVDs) they would like to recommend, I would love to hear about them.

So this year, I'll be patient and gentle with myself, and rather than choose an external talent (playing accordion, though I will do that too sometimes), I'm drilling deeper. Going to the source.

Anyway, thanks for reading. What intentions are you setting for yourself this year?

Oh dear.

Well that was short-lived. I guess it got mild overnight. Sigh. Poor snowman.

A new year.

A walk among the trees. Snow on the ground and plastered to the trees. Fresh air. Catching snowflakes on my tongue. Building a snowman.

A Happy New Year: my first oyster, Tim Tam Slams, and Croissant Perfection (really! it happened!)

We kicked 2012 off right! What a fun night! Feasting and games with great friends (thanks S&B!), what could be better? It was an eclectic spread: snacks from the local Bosnian deli, a cheese board (and pears to go with the blue cheese = yummmmmm), oysters, fine chocolate, Blackcurrant-Raspberry wine (thank you SV for the wine!), and a variety of jams and preserves to spread on the dance-worthy croissants (more on those in a minute), and Tim Tams. We didn't even get to the ice cream!

Mulling over which alien baby to eat first.

Since I was on the losing end of the winning tie (in a shoot-out, mind you!) of our rousing game of Apples to Apples, I had to have the first oyster. I was a little afraid, I won't lie, but it was good! Silky, creamy, fresh, and zesty with a squirt of lemon and drop of tabasco. How have I never had these before! Then, later, I introduced everyone to the Tim Tam Slam, which sounds like a drinking game, which I guess it kind of is. The Tim Tam is an Australian cookie/biscuit that is delicious all on its own, but when you bite off the diagonal corners and use it as a "straw" to drink tea, coffee, or hot chocolate, it's really good. Here's a great instructional video featuring CBC's Tim Tamashiro (whom the biscuit is not named after).

Look at those layers! I feel... I feel... I feel happy of myself!

As for the croissants, I'm not sure what stars were aligned yesterday or what wonderful thing I did to deserve such awesome croissant karma, but it happened: after multiple attempts at making croissants from scratch, I have finally hit upon the right recipe to yield the most beautiful and delicious croissants. Here is what I did this time, for the most part using the "construction" steps from here, and the baking steps from here, with some modifications of my own:

Dance-worthy Croissants
500 g flour (I have a gram scale, but some time I think I'll try to convert: 500 grams looked to be about 4 cups)
15 g active dry yeast
90 g sugar
15 g salt
300 ml warm milk
340 g butter, room temperature (3 sticks, unsalted)

Homemade Christmas

Mark made some "Zen Blocks"—wooden rocks—for my dad who loves stacking rocks.

Stitched notecards like this one I made earlier.

Mark also made toy chests for the nieces and nephews (and I put their names on them).

Hot Cocoa using this recipe, scaled up. And scented sachets filled with lavender and pineapple-coconut tea (mmm, tropical!). For the tropical scented sachets I used the same upcycled sheet with the spring-floral pattern that I used for the belt on this dress. I still would like to make a vintage-style apron from the rest of it...

Printed notecards following this ingenius tutorial. Using only a styrofoam tray and a pencil, printed on salvaged paper samples. Quite possibly the first time I followed through on making something after pinning it... Almost forgot to spell joy backwards; though it would have been funny to wish people a Christmas full of YOJ.

Festive

The Christmas spirit has been late settling into me this year. I feel as though I can't keep up, and have been running out of time with everything. We finally got a tree last weekend, but it sat, undecorated, for nearly a week. And the rest of the house, as yet, remains undecorated. Sigh. It's probably been the lack of snow and strangely mild temperatures (if only my bike tire wasn't flat, I could have ridden through most of December!), and also that this candle I have is on fire at both ends...

But last night was my super-fun and festive work party, and today I woke up to a nice blanket of snow; thin, but enough to hide the brown and green grass and make everything oh-so-pretty. It just doesn't feel like Christmas without snow.

A super-fun scavenger hunt led us around our work-neighbourhood and finally to the Hintonburg Public House. But not without being made to carol for cupcakes, solve an anagram (thankfully the master of anagram-solving was present!), and have a professional photoshoot with Santa, among other things.

Leaving early today and having the immense treat of walking home in the light.

Wishing there were more old stone buildings like this.

Whiskers and soft kitty feet.

A few of my favourites.

Sage words from my tea.

Perfect weekend

A great weekend spent with great friends. Birthday celebrations. A hike among the trees and newly fallen snow (which melted the following day — it was 9º yesterday!). Beautiful lookout over the white fields below. A thrilling owl sighting; this beautiful Barred Owl gazed down on us from his high perch. Silently, curiously looking from one to the next. A steam and a soak at Le Nordik. Relaxing with our books and some Fireside Martinis while Mark prepared a delectable feast of homemade pasta in carbonara sauce, followed by some rousing rounds of Boggle!